To: Andyco Employees
From: Andy 5th, CEO
Subject: We Are Champions All
Date: March 11, 2002
Dear Andyco Employee,
Forgive my long absence from the halls of
Andyco, but after spending two inspiring weeks at the Salt Lake
Winter Olympic Games, I decided to take a little detour through
Aspen for two invigorating weeks of skiing, tubbing, and dancing
until dawn with a string of beautiful Victoria Secret models.
Though I'm still disappointed that the USOC
turned down my petition to compete as a member of the US Skeleton
Team, I feel confident that my leadership credentials make me
a shoe-in for coxswain of the US Rowing Team for the '04 Summer
Games.
Of course we're all disappointed with the
US performance in the Games this year -- as we were edged out
by the Germans by one lousy medal (Germans 35, USA 34). But hey,
at least we clobbered the Russians, who whined and complained
all the way to the closing ceremonies (16 medals if you count
the one those two Russian skaters bought from that crooked French
judge).
But getting back to my point, I noticed that
Home Depot ran an ad campaign throughout the Olympics touting
the number of Olympians that actually work at their stores. Yes,
that redneck/burnout that didn't know his head from his ass last
time you needed advice on three-way dimmer switches could actually
have been a champion ice dancer for all you know.
Anyway, I thought it was a brilliant marketing
ploy -- one worthy of adoption. So I've asked HRD to make it
a requirement that all new hires excel in at least one Olympic
sport. My goal is to make Andyco the number one workplace for
Olympic champions by the 2004 Summer Games.
Too bad wasting office supplies and calling
in sick all the time aren't Olympic events.
