To: Andyco Employees
From: Andy 5th, CEO
Subject: Cooking the Books
Date: January 31, 2002
Dear Andyco Employee,
In the wake of the whole Enron hoo-ha, I
feel it necessary to lay to rest some misconceptions regarding
Andyco's financial practices.
Yes, Andyco's stock is trading at 17 cents
after a $200 high 18 months ago. Yes, Andyco's top executives
unloaded millions in stock options (that didn't cost them anything
in the first place), while telling you staffers to keep plowing
a portion of your paychecks into now worthless company 401k plans.
And sure, we were a tad misleading with a financial statement
or two.
But let me assure you the similarities end
there!!
I have the utmost confidence in our management
team, the board, and of course -- my good friend and CFO, Harry
Fingers. Harry, as most of you know, has been my dear friend
since our Freshman year at Ball State. And while some have questioned
his qualifications, let me just say this; anyone who can drink
4 pitchers of Lime Rickys and then survive the fall from a second
floor dorm window can certainly handle the task at hand.
As a matter of fact, I spoke with Harry just
the other day. And I asked him... if Bobby had 3 dimes and a
nickel, and Sally had five pennies and a quarter, how much money
do they have together? Of course, he told me they had 65 billion
dollars.
But can we be doing more? Of course we can.
That's why I've asked our COO (and my long-haired Persian) Mrs.
Beasley to lead a task force that will study ways to improve
our accounting methods. I'm certain she will approach this new
challenge with the same spirit and determination she brings to
clawing the stuffing out of her office furniture.
