To: Andyco Employees
From: Andy 5th, CEO
Subject: Holiday Greetings
Date: December 21, 2001
Dear Andyco Employee,
The holiday season is upon us. And as I sit
in my plush leather Herman Miller office chair, I can't help
but reflect back on a difficult year -- for Andyco, and for an
entire nation.
But even while Andyco's stock trades somewhere around the price of a box of
Tic-Tacs, I remain optimistic about the future. And it has nothing to do with
the fact that I've been squirreling away millions into T-bills for the last
couple of years.
Sure, it was hard to say goodbye to those 4,800 co-workers during this year's
Draconian downsizing. But be thankful that it wasn't you -- because it could
have been (and still could be). And besides, being laid off isn't all that
bad. At least they don't have to eat our cafeteria food any longer.
And while this is a very different world than the one we lived in last holiday
season, it's been reassuring to see that some things are the same as ever.
Take our holiday party for example. Our PR director, Janet Fishkill, got as
drunk as always on the cheap box wine, and sat in a large bowl of onion dip.
Dr. Weilspinner, from our R&D department, almost electricuted himself once
again while stringing the Christmas lights. And our COO (and my long-haired
Persian) Mrs. Beasley got high on catnip and nearly knocked over the Christmas
tree. Some things never change.
As we celebrate this holiday, it's more important than ever to be thankful
for family, friends, and the many things that we sometimes take for granted.
Like the two cornish game hens you received as a holiday bonus, for example.
So let me take this opportunity to wish you and your loved ones a happy, healthy
holiday season. And while on the subject of happy and healthy, be sure to put
the game hens in the fridge AS SOON AS YOU GET HOME, since they've been sitting
on your desks since last night.
