Disclaimer: You accept all risks and responsibility for losses, damages, costs and other consequences resulting directly or indirectly from following Miss Barbara's advice, and any information or material available from it. To the maximum permitted by law, Andyco excludes all liability to any person arising directly or indirectly from using Miss Barbara's advice. She's a bitter, belligerent woman - and we would have fired her long ago if she weren't in so tight with the union. So instead, we've done what we usually do with employees that can't perform to the level we desire - we promote them to supervisor.

Question: Where's Andy? We miss the frequent updates!

Miss Barbara: One man's 'frequent' is another man's 6 months.

Question: How do I get folks to listen?

Miss Barbara: Stop asking stupid questions.

Question: Who are you?

Miss Barbara: To quote one of my favorite movies, "I'm not a bad dream, I'm your worst nightmare!" (Rambo III)

Question: Why can't I get the taskbar to pop up when using Outlook Express!?

Miss Barbara: Because you're a complete moron.

Question: Why do you care?

Miss Barbara: Where did I leave you that impression?

Question: What are you doing after work?

Miss Barbara: I'll drink a six-pack and pull the wings off house flies while listening to German marching songs.

Question: Oh come on.....we are passed Sept first. Barbara is not wanted in Iraq anymore; the UN security council is going to fix everything!! Barbara's talents are needed in the US at Andyco!!!!! Please answer our queries!!!!!!!!!

Miss Barbara: How about November 1st?

Question: how does it feel to be incompetent and a burden to our society?

Miss Barbara: Is this a rhetorical question?

Question: How many french fries should I make for 4,500 guests at my house?

Miss Barbara: A double batch.

Question: Are the Red Sox going to be in the World Series this year?

Miss Barbara: Yes -- right after I'm on the cover of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue.

Question: how does this work?

Miss Barbara: Step 1) Leave this site immediately. Step 2) Never come back.

Question: I'm having a hard time believing that Andyco cares for me. My life could be somthing special with a company that truley cares for me. Can you help with my confusion?

Miss Barbara: Go jump in a lake fishboy. (Does that answer your question?)

Question: When can I expect my merhandise?

Miss Barbara: The 12th of never.

Question: What am i doing here, anyway?

Miss Barbara: Wasting my time.