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Andyco Maps The Human G-nome
Researchers Unlocking Scientific Mystery

Camden, NJ -- The Human G-nome Project (HGP) began in 1990 as an effort by researchers from around the world to map and sequence the human g-nome. Identifying the effort as an opportunity to make more money, Andyco soon joined the race to be the first to successfully map the human g-nome.

"There was moderate interest at our lab back in the mid-seventies when the 'G-nome Book' was popular," explains project coordinator, Dr. Boris Weilspinner. "But it wasn't until recently when we saw the story on 'Headline News' that we chose to undertake this ambitious project."

Unlocking The Secrets of the G-nome

Inset Photo: G-nome displaying the signature pointy cap and vacant grin. This photo, taken by a gardener in Jennersdorf, Austria, is now believed to be a hoax -- possibly a glazed ceramic facsimile meant to create the allusion of an actual woodland g-nome.

"Actually, the term 'Human G-nome' is a bit of a misnomer," adds Weilspinner. "Based on our research, G-nomes aren't really human at all - but closer to small elves or fairies.
"The woodland, or forest g-nome is probably the most common. Unfortunately, this is difficult to verify, as he is not fond of showing himself to man -- let alone our researchers. What we do know is that they have many escape routes. That's where the 'mapping' part comes into play. We're confident that if we can map these routes, we can catch one of the little bastards."

How will G-nome research impact our lives?

Though the payoffs for G-nome research is still years away, Weilspinner contends that today's advances will someday reap big rewards. "Once we can harness the power of the gnome, there are many ways they can improve the quality of life," he explains. "The science is still in it's infancy, but soon we'll see many beneficial applications. For example, we'd like to train the tiny creatures to clean leaves out of gutters, or aid in the maintenance of nuclear reactor cores. Basically, any type of activity too dangerous for real humans."

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