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Research
+ Development Nuclear Powered Bagel Slicer:
Scientists at Andyco Labs recently announced a startling breakthrough they claim will "change the way you slice a bagel forever". The fully functional BS-2000 is capable of slicing up to 1200 bagels an hour by using a powerful laser that slices bread like "a hot knife through butter". Even more amazing, the self-contained power supply means the BS-2000 doesn't require your standard AC outlet like traditional kitchen appliances. In fact, scientists claim the unit can slice over 100 million bagels before the Uranium fuel rods need replacing. The current prototype weighs over 5 tons and requires over 500 gallons of water per minute to maintain safe operating temperatures. Though Andyco scientists admit this is too large for convenient under-the-counter storage, they claim the final version will be much more compact and user-friendly. "Our goal is to get the final unit under a thousand pounds" says Project Director, Dr. Boris Weilspinner. "We'd also like to get external temperatures down a bit from current levels. The prototype's metal casing can reach upward of 8000 degrees, a level unacceptable for today's laminates or solid surface countertops." On the upside, scientists anticipate fewer knife injuries associated with traditional bagel slicers. "Bagel slicing related accidents are one of the most common Emergency Room injuries" adds Weilspinner. "Though people may experience severe burns, hair-loss and vomiting due to the intense radiation, we hope to reduce knife related injuries dramatically."
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More R+D News Moon Advertising Leaves Ad Execs Howling. Andyco Maps the Human G-nome.
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